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| there appears to be nothing i like about people. I hate the way they make me feel. I hate that they can affect my mood so much. I hate that one person being a bitch can put me in such a bad fucking mood that I almost can't control the urge to start swinging. But sometimes I love them too. I love the way you can find a niche in a group, and the dynamic works so perfectly that its amazing. Fucking people bug the shit out of me. Can't stand them, but i know somehow i can't live without them. God damn cock sucking mother fucking cunt stains. pieces of shit.
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Now playing: The Early November - Ever So Sweet
via FoxyTunes
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| separation and isolation are the keys to happiness
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| I love how my hands are constantly covered in some sort of grease or oil. And that on my free time I do things like re-weld cross members on my motorcycles swing arm or sort out little electrical issues. it makes my fucking day. seriously.
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did someone call my name?
like a distant drum is beating
or is it just another dream of long ago?
I dance again I am spinning
In the light I am living
and I can feel the power rushing through my veins
once upon a time I could do no wrong
for the candle flickers, the flame is never gone
to my brilliant feat
they all pay heed
I hear the crowds roar oh so loudly
is it a game of chance
or merely circumstances
a jack to a king and back
then you have to pay to play
the world it won't wait for you
its got its own things to do
the sun's gotta rise and drive another night away
and as i listen to the silence
i can hear thunder in the distance
to my brilliant feat
they all pay heed
I hear the crowds roar oh so loudly
to my brilliant feat
i make grown men weep
and still my eyes grow oh so cloudy
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| I keep having this dream, right. Where im riding my bike, and its all packed up, tail bag, saddlebags, tank bag, the whole deal. And im riding through a canyon. Except I'm doing like 150, and layin through turns and just riding like a bat out of hell. And behind me is this darkness, like a storm. and its chasing me. And i here this song, by Blue October, called into the ocean. And the song is about committing suicide by jumping into the ocean. And all the sudden i come around this turn, and the canyon just drops away, and im racing down a straight, laid out over the tank and gunning it. And then i fly off this cliff and everything like slows down. I start to drop really fast, and i open up all the bags on the bike, and all these things from my life start floating out. like juggling clubs and theater tools and wrestling stuff and my stuffed bear i let karrah keep for me, all the things that mean something to me, and as they all drop away below me, i start to float and keep riding out farther and farther. All the stuff that flew out of the bags hits the water before and sinks really quickly and i cant see it anymore, but i never seem to hit. I can feel the water coming towards me, but i never hit, i just cling to the bike thinking its the only thing to save me, and everything else was pulling me down. eventually i let go of the bike and drop into the water, and the cold rushes over me and everything goes dark. And then i wake up in a cold sweat and can't sleep for a day or two, and when i finally do sleep, the dream comes back.
I have some ideas as to what this dream might mean, but im not too sure.
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